paying the price
by woahhmackie
Summary: He's paying the price now. A look back on Stefan's life.


the truth is, you come into this world alone and leave it the exact same way.

_-little manhattan_

Loneliness and resentment can get boring after awhile. Klaus hates him. Damon hates him. And Elena hates him.

Sometimes, he can feel his emotions threatening to boil over, but he can't let them, because if he does, the anxiety and the hurt and the guilt and the raw emotion of everything will hit him. He can't let that happen. Isn't everyone better off without Stefan Salvatore getting in the way?

God, he feels so alone.

:.:

_165 years ago_

It's an unusually cold night in November when the newest Salvatore is born. Giuseppe and his wife have been expecting this child for months now, and it has been the biggest news in Mystic Falls (of course it is; they are one of _the_ founding families.)

Mrs. Salvatore has been in labor for twelve long and exhausting hours. The doctors tell her and Giuseppe it is because the baby is breached, and say it will be a difficult birth. Finally, it is time to bring their newest child into the world. Giuseppe and his wife already adore their young son Damon, a lively and cocky child, and expect their newest child to be the same.

After another hour of pushing, their new son takes his first breath. The doctor passes him to Mrs. Salvatore, and she touches his face and fingers and feet.

"Stefan," she breathes out. And then she faints.

She dies that night. Giuseppe never forgives his youngest son.

:.:

_148 years ago_

When he meets Katherine, it's perfect.

Because for once, someone loves him in the tragic, hopelessly romantic way that everyone hopes to loved. When Stefan and Katherine are together, she makes him feel things and they feel _good._

He's sure he acts as any gentleman should: offering her his arm when they walk, escorting her to parties and balls. But it seems as though there's something wrong with them, something wrong with _her_, but he can't exactly put his finger on it. So he assures himself that everything's fine, that she's perfect and he's perfect, and it almost seems that way for a little while.

Then she's dead and he's a bloodsucking, killing, _vampire._ And everything is ruined.

:.:

_148 years and a month ago_

He drinks and drinks and drinks. He drinks even though he's full. He drinks enough human blood to last him a few lifetimes. Soon enough, he gets tired of drinking, and starts _killing_, not for sustenance but for vengeance. He starts by killing unimportant people, a slave here, a poor beggar there (just so they know that they didn't get _all_ the vampires). But he starts to kill those responsible for Katherine's death. He drains Thomas and Honoria Fell, and he swears he kills Johnathan Gilbert (but he's up and walking, so it _couldn't_ have happened, right?)

He drinks for Katherine and he drinks for Damon and his father, because he can't stand what he did to them and because he can't control it anymore.

One night, he stalks through a camp to feed on the wounded soldiers and sees a woman. He can't resist a pretty woman (he thinks their blood is always the sweetest), and tries to attack her, but she's an older and wiser vampire and easily takes him down.

Her name is Lexi, and she teaches him to feel again, and it feels better than anything Katherine ever did for him.

:.:

_95 years ago_

He falls off the wagon again and murders an entire village of people in Mexico. He's now known as the Ripper of Monterrey and he massacres and kills because he's the Ripper, and that's what the Ripper does.

He's a little bit relieved when Lexi shows up again and whips him back into shape.

:.:

_90 years ago_

He screws up yet again and finds himself in Chicago. It's easier to feed in this big city, so he stays for a while. He meets Klaus, and finds him to be fascinating, because he's just like him. They declare themselves brothers. He eventually meets Klaus' sister Rebekah, who is fascinating, but in the beautiful way. She's unlike any other vampire he's ever met, and he's almost certain he's fallen into love, if that's what you could call this sick, twisted thing they have going.

He knows he hasn't completely flipped his switch the way they have, because he can feel a tiny bit of regret bubble in his throat after he kills. But he swallows it and deals with it, like a real man should.

But every time he returns from his night out, he etches the names of his victims into the wall of his liquor cabinet. He's not completely sure why.

:.:

_47 years ago_

It takes Lexi thirty years to kick his addiction this time.

It takes screaming and mind tricks and complete _torture_, but she finally fixes him. He feels bad that he's saddled her with his problems, but he's so grateful that she's there. He's happy to be Stefan Salvatore again, not the Ripper controlled by blood.

"Why do you help me, Lexi?" He questions her one day. "Why do you keep coming back to save me when you would be so much better without me?"

She flicks her blond hair to the side like she always does, and says, "Because I want the best for you, Stefan. I want you to feel good and pure, because I know what it feels like to lose control. And if I don't help you, who will?"

She has a point. She's all he's got and he's all she's got. He hasn't seen Damon in years, and he's sure if he got close to anybody, he'd end up killing them. Lexi's the only one who can deal with him, and all of his crap.

"Stefan, let me ask you a question," she turns to him, hands on her hips. "What made you start drinking like this again? I let go of your reins for a couple of years, and you lost control yet again. What have you been doing?"

He doesn't know.

"I don't know."

Stefan can almost put his finger on it, but he just can't remember.

:.:

_4 years ago_

He's finally built up the courage and strength to return to Mystic Falls. He decided he couldn't handle all the bottled up resentment and anger anymore.

Stefan stares out at the night sky. He can see the stars again, finally. The skies of the large and polluted cities he moved through were often star-less.

No one is awake right now. He's standing at the side of a river, head tilted up to the sky. There's a sign next to him that says "Wickery Bridge: Built 1923". Everything in this small town is simplistic, now, and looking up at the vast, cold sky, he almost feels content.

But then he hears the scream. He turns from the picturesque scenery and sees a station wagon pull off the bridge and descend towards the water.

He's appalled for half a second. Then he jumps into the river, shoes on and all.

He's a fast, strong swimmer (because of his vampire abilities). He reaches the car at superhuman speed and sees a man frantically attempting to push a girl out of the backseat. The woman next to him is already passed out and will probably die soon. Stefan wrenches open the car door, and the man finally takes notice of him.

"Save her." It's barely a whisper, than it's gone. The man sinks to the bottom of the river.

Stefan saves the girl. She's probably only about sixteen or seventeen based on the clothing she's wearing. It's only when he rests her on the grass by the bridge when he takes notice of her facial features.

_Katherine._

He's so taken aback that the only thing he can do is run as fast as he can away from that damned bridge.

He falls against a tree, panting. He can hear the sirens in the distance.

_How can this be?_

:.:

_3 years ago_

Her name's Elena Gilbert. And she's nothing like Katherine. Well, she is in some ways. They're both strong-willed and passionate, but Elena's kind and compassionate and _nice_. It's a nice difference.

She gets past all the lies and misery, sees past his murderous nature. Elena loves Stefan, and Stefan loves Elena, and they get past all the bullshit.

Isn't that all that matters?

:.:

_Present Day_

He's somewhere in between Caring Stefan and Ripper Stefan right now. There's no Lexi to help him anymore. Only him.

His old life seems a million miles away. And the thing he wants most of all is to change the past, more than anything else, to have fought back, to have told Damon he loved him, to have held Elena one more time, to have said goodbye to Lexi, to have killed Klaus when he had the chance, to have held Elena _again._

Because now he's paying the price. (And it's _so _expensive.)


End file.
